Ramblings

Having a bad hair day in Malpelo - courtesy of Steven Trainoff ©

When a 5-knot current flattens your hair and drags your bubbles behind you, forget about taking photos. Just hang on for dear life.

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We made an expedition to the Socorro Islands in the month of July to find out what is out there when all the other liveaboards are not around. It felt like the old times—we were by ourselves! No other boats! On this trip there were only 5 divers plus me as a guide, not 20 or 25 divers like when I was working here before. This is the way to approach nature! And with divers who know how to dive! I can focus on being a guide as opposed to what is happening more and more nowadays on the bigger liveaboards—dive guides are trying to keep divers alive because of bad dive instructors giving away licenses and letting people believe they are divers, or because divers were told that these islands were just like the Caribbean or Thailand… The boat was smaller though—60 feet but still quite roomy.

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Cross-eyed creature © Sten Johansson

In my line of work, boobies are a common sight. And these are not the kind that get men excited and women reacting in varying degrees of envy, depending on the size and the quality of work done on the object of interest. I am talking about the cross-eyed winged creatures that are known for their lack of intellect and consequent inability to handle new situations. I think they are descended from the now extinct dodo birds. They certainly exhibit the same mannerisms, and even look a little bit like those duds.

Granted, their cross-eyed look gives them the advantage of cuteness. You might even find their vomiting antics funny if you’re not the one cleaning up the deck of a boat. And, as long as you are not the target of their surprisingly accurate poop missiles, you will still find them likeable.

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Last week my wife and I had an opportunity to be like any other normal couple. We did mundane tasks and ran errands, which included a trip to Costco on a Sunday.

We were on our way back to our Ford Exploder when someone tapped me on the back and asked me if I was who I was. Uh, yes…?

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I’ve had an Uzi pointed at me once upon a time. One time the bodyguards of a Serbian warlord beat me up. I have served as a human shield for war refugees in Central America. I have endured below freezing temperatures in the Saharan desert, snowstorms in the forests of Sweden, and have even survived the vortex of death in the Pacific Ocean.

But turning my back on tobacco might just be the death of me.

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Someone to watch over me © Sten Johansson

This is my second year working in Malpelo. I really have come to like this place! It is far away and one of the most remote and isolated dive destinations in the world. The Malpelo season this year was even sharkier than last year. In my 3 months of being here I have had 4 bait balls, encounters with the unique congregations of hundreds (up to 500!) of silky sharks that are almost all females… I don’t know why.

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Spread-out silkies in Malpelo © Sten Johansson

Because of recent illegal fishing?

The silky sharks can now be seen in both the north and the south. They are more spread out. We are speculating why. We can see fresh hooks in the mouth of some. And three days ago we had a fishing boat not farther than 2 nautical miles from here.

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I can relate to Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett’s musical and visual project. I like the fictional universe that they created depicting a band of cartoon characters.

Their style encompasses several musical genres, with alternative, rock, hip hop, electronica, dub, and pop influences. The music is very catchy, but is nowhere near the sound of “traditional” pop.

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Ok, so maybe Facebook isn’t such a bad thing after all. I still don’t know how to use it, but at least I am able to stay in touch with friends.

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In the raw - Balaklava Island © Sten Johansson

The day has finally arrived.

I have succumbed to the pressure to live in a modern civilized world, where people stay connected through computers and apps. I still don’t understand why we can’t use normal email to communicate, but what do I know, I’m from the Stone Age.

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